Hot Fudge Sundae Life

I tend to get lost in the big picture. Dreaming about what cool stuff God could use me to do and what it’s all gonna look like 5, 10, 20 years down the road. It feels like I’ve always been this way.

Lately, my head is reeling with ideas. Now that I’m home from Africa, I have about 100 ideas a day. Our potential to do stuff is so amazing. Combine that with a natural passion and watch out! I saw this quote on Pinterest the other day and it made laugh. Because it’s so true. “Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” Sometimes seven.

As I’ve gotten older, I’m learning how to tame my passion. To listen to the Holy Spirit. To know when it’s His voice and when I’m just getting carried away.

It’s hard for me.

But, the more I seek him, the easier it gets. And I felt like I heard Him clearly the other day.

I found myself frustrated with the kids and remembered saying that when I got home from Africa, I wanted to refocus on our family. And here I was – home – and feeling less than intentional about how I was parenting them.

So, I prayed. And felt like God said, “Stop looking over the crowd to see what I’m doing in you down the road. I’m putting these things right at your feet. Do THOSE things faithfully and let me take care of the future stuff.”

Man I needed that reminder. God is here. In the present. It’s where I’m supposed to be, to0.

I’m still a dreamer. I believe it’s OK and good to “dream big dreams for God.” My dad says that all the time. In fact, when I say it in my head, it’s his voice I hear. You Northviewers probably hear it too. I digress.

But, those future thoughts become a stumbling block when I allow them to keep me from obedience in the here and now. Our Outreach pastor, K Paul, said the other day, “The things we do, matter. But, the things we don’t do matter, too.”

I don’t want to think about the things I’ve missed already, while my head was stuck in the clouds.

When I look at what’s at my feet, I realize it’s all good and exciting stuff. And it’s the stuff that really matters to me. Especially the parenting one. Because I sure don’t want to miss that.

It’s here and in my face. It’s my calling. To contentment, to obedience, to being present. And it’s even more exciting than the stuff I dream up over my morning coffee. Because it’s real.

And if I don’t do these things NOW, there won’t be a sum of things that can add up to better things later.

How about you? What’s keeping you from being present? For me, it’s a matter of the heart. Moving towards contentment. Trusting God with my future. Making peace with not knowing the big picture.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9 (NIV)

God, help me to be satisfied in THIS DAY. To be faithful with what you’ve asked me to do RIGHT NOW. Increase my faith, so that I can trust you with the big picture. Help me not to miss the amazing opportunities you’ve placed right at my feet.

This is an article I wrote for my church, it was published today on the Northview Blog

I’m passionate about being a mom. I believe it’s the most rewarding and hardest, ugliest work I’ll ever do. I can cry tears of joy and tears of desperation all in the same day. But I love my kids. Fiercely love them. And I love being their mom for so many reasons. But mostly I love it because it’s the thing in my life that God has used to draw me to Him more than anything I’ve ever experienced.

I recently had a new experience that has wrecked my passionate heart. A few weeks ago, I returned home from a short-term missions trip to South Africa.  And while I was there God revealed his passionate heart to me in a way I’d never seen it.

In South Africa I saw a sea of children. Everywhere, children. And no moms or dads.

We ministered within a five-mile radius and were told that in that small area lived 7000 orphans.

7000 kids who will never know the passionate love of their mom or dad.

It seemed that an entire generation of moms my age were dead or dying from HIV/AIDs. Fathers either dying themselves or abandoning their families after the mother’s passed.

I looked at these kids and thought of my own. How I devote everything to them. I spend all my days caring for their needs, kissing their boo-boos and encouraging their little hearts.

These kids have no one. Many are taken in by other family members, but don’t have the resources or ability to care for them as they truly need and raise them in love.

I’ve heard the scriptures about ministering to the orphan and the widow. They are throughout the Bible. But, I had never considered why. Why does God always talk about the fatherless?

Because He is a father. The same passionate heart He put in me for my children is in Him, for His.

His heart is broken for these kids. And He calls us to do something about it.

I’ll be totally honest. The word orphan didn’t move me before.  I didn’t get it. But, now I’ve seen these precious children. I’ve squeezed their little necks and held them on my lap. I’ve sensed their desperate need for loving touch and affirmation.  I’ve listened to them share about their longing for hope. Their desire to believe that God has a plan for them and that He can make a way for them to achieve their dreams.

And I’ve seen one simple way I can answer God’s call to help.

Sponsorship provides not only a child’s logistical needs – basic resources like food and school uniforms – but becomes their pathway to hope. Many orphans wonder if there is anyone in this world who cares for them. And when someone signs up to be their sponsor, they realize that someone does.

I know that my journey is a personal one. Not everyone will resonate or be moved by my words. But, this is where I am. I want to tell everyone what I experienced and how I’m changed. And let the Holy Spirit do the rest.

I love being a mom. God made me that way. Because He is that way.  We are His image-bearers on earth. I’m learning that the way I respond in love and compassion for my own children is the same way God wants me to respond to the fatherless (and motherless) throughout the world.

Sponsoring kids is easy. In fact, I have information on 6 kids from the area I visited who are in need of a sponsor. If you are interested in opening your heart to one of them, or you just have questions, please leave a comment and I will get in touch with you. I would love to find sponsors for all 6 of them in response to this blog post. 

There are many Christian organizations that offer sponsorship opportunities. My church, Northview, partners with Horizon International, Inc. and it’s through their ministry that I saw with my own eyes the difference your support can make. Visit horizoninternationalinc.com to learn more. 

Part of our ministry time in South Africa was devoted to a 2 1/2 day retreat with some of the high school aged orphans. They came and stayed at the retreat center with us. Some of them came with just the clothes on their backs. Some had a small backpack with them. For 3 days.

Some of them had never experienced water from a tap. Or a flushing toilet. It was a big deal when we told them that they each got their own bed. The first day we had hot dogs for lunch and the kitchen staff had to instruct them on how to open the bun and put the hot dog in. They had never had them before.

I still can’t get over what a special opportunity this was. I had the same 5 African girls at the table with me. If you’ve ever been on a Discipleship Walk then you will understand the format. We would have a talk, discuss it and then make a presentation to show what we learned. I loved that I got to spend so much time pouring into these 5 girls. They were all so beautiful and unique. We talked about the life of Joseph in the Bible and how God gave him a dream. These girls shared dreams of becoming psychologists and doctors.

They loved to sing and dance. They loved to giggle and doodle. Many of the things that American teenagers love to do. But these girls were much different. In their short lives, they’ve suffered the death of their mom. And their dad. They may be moved from home to home, family member to family member and never feel the security of simply belonging. They wonder if there is anyone in the world who truly cares for them.

They live in a culture where rape is rampant, because men with AIDs believe that raping a virgin will cure them of their disease. They develop a callousness. They stuff their feelings. Because theres no therapy. No one taking the time to help them process this horrible reality. No escape.

But yet, I know that God’s promises are true for these beautiful girls. As true as they are for me.

They were knit together in their mother’s womb. Same as me. They were fearfully and wonderfully made. They were made to do good works that God prepared for them in advance. Each of them has a purpose and a dream set inside their heart.

I spent my time with these girls making the most of the opportunity to love on them. I prayed that I would not hold myself back. Even if it meant being vulnerable in front of the other Americans on my team.

During our days together, we laughed and cried. We prayed together. We held hands. We looked in each others eyes. I did my best to speak hope into their lives. To help them believe and know that God had a beautiful plan for them. And while I wish I could have done more, our team leader assured us it was enough. And it was all God needed to take and multiply it in their lives through the Spirit.

When they left the retreat center at the end of our time together, the Americans stood in a kind of receiving line next to the bus. As each kid came down the row, I would hug them and bless them. They were all wearing their new scarves (awesome post about that to come). But, when my girls came down the line I grabbed them tight and couldn’t help my tears. I looked them in the face and told them how special they were. That I loved them. God loved them. God has a plan for you. I wanted to tell them one last time to makes sure they heard it.

Their names are Belina, Dinah, Shokie, Monica and Phina. I think about them and pray for them every day.

They each made a great impression on me and I’ll never forget them.

I have so much to share. So much stirring in my head. I know I should start from the beginning, but I can’t. The whole experience, from beginning to end, is rattling around inside me and I can’t figure out where to start.

I’ll simply say this trip was life-changing. It’s so special. So far from ordinary, what we experienced. It’s almost hard to believe it even happened. Or that it’s still happening every minute of every day, while I continue to live here and they, there.

Our Horizon team leader, Doug Ehrgott, did an excellent job of helping us put this experience into biblical context and in context for life moving forward.

“God brings you here, so He can send you back.” He would say.

Those words keep turning in my head. I’ve been praying so much about how to bring my experience home. And not forget those precious kids. All I know is I’m not the same. I’m wrestling with readjusting to life at home. Because I know how easily I could slip back into life as I knew it before.

In an instant, I slipped back into rhythm with my kids. I’m cooking, cleaning, batheing, bedtime-ing.

But at the same time I’m processing the gift that this trip was, the kids I met, the harsh truths I learned, the fact that we can all so easily make a difference, yet so few choose to.

I was one of those people. Before I went.

And so when I consider why God sent me there and brought me back, I know it’s so that I can simply tell. Tell you what I saw. Paint a picture and bring it to life. To take the words “orphan” and “sponsor” and help them truly mean something to you.

Because it means something to Him.

So, I’m praying that he gives me the words. And I’m praying that they fall on hearts ready to receive them and respond to God’s heart for the orphan.

In 10 days, Andy and I will be on our way to South Africa.

As I try to wrap my head around it, I acknowledge that I can’t. As I think about what to pack, I’m clueless. When I think about what we’ll experience, I’m clueless. When I think about how it’s going to change my life, I have no. clue.

Although I am not clueless about my anticipation and excitement.

As funds and support have flooded in, it’s left us with no doubt that we are right smack dab in the center of God’s will. If I was wondering if God’s hand was on this step of faith, I only have to marvel at the fact that in just a few short months, I’ve sold 214 t-shirt scarves and the remaining amount of our trip has been funded through generous donations by family and friends. All $6000 of our trip has been covered.

I know that regardless of what happens on this trip, we are right where He wants us.

Have you ever stepped out in faith and seen God’s hand orchestrating things so LOUD and CLEAR that it almost scared you? And not the fear and anxiety type of scared. The Kingdom-living-is-the-greatest-adventure-of-my-life-and-I-know-something-big-and-life-changing-is-waiting-for-me-around-the-corner type of scared. That about describes how I feel right now. I’m scared and excited about how God is going to rock our world over there.

In scripture, I’ve been reading the story of Esther. What I never pulled out of that story before is that Esther was an orphan (stuck out to me, since we’ll be ministering to orphans in Africa). She was raised by her uncle.

When she was called to do something BIG (approach the king and ask him to spare the lives of her people), she was scared and felt inadequate. And what did she do? She asked for advice (from her uncle), she fasted and prayed and asked others to join her in fasting and prayer.

So as we begin our final preparations, that’s exactly what I’m doing. I’m asking lots of questions and praying like crazy. And I’d love for you to join us.

Your support all along has been so humbling. Your prayer support in our final prep would make us equally gracious.

Liefde Wen (love wins).

My daughter Lauren broke her leg on Sunday. In my five years of parenting experiences, this one goes down as “most horrific.” It was awful watching her pain and knowing there wasn’t a thing I could do but hold her hand and kiss her forehead.

Sunday was also the day we were to celebrate Griffin’s birthday. In fact, all our family was walking in the door when we heard her scream on the stairs. Needless to say, Griff’s party didn’t happen.

I was already feeling up to my ears in life. Scarves are flying out the window, faster than my little fingers can prepare them (110 and counting!), I’m working on a leadership team for a retreat at my church, leading our Life Group’s new study, oh, and I have four little kids at home.

Many times my default setting is to complain when times are tough. Not to everyone, just the people that know me best and love me anyway. I’m an affirmation girl, so I find that by talking about how much I’ve got on my plate, it solicits the sympathetic encouragement I crave. But, even as I hear the negative words coming out of my mouth, I hear my subconscious saying, “Bleck, Jenni! Shut your mouth!”

So, it was Sunday. My husband had been out of town all weekend and I somehow thought it was a good idea to do all the preparations for Griffin’s party by myself. I was overwhelmed. Tired. Stressed. And then my daughter broke her leg.

Puts things into perspective real quick.

This week I’ve been reminded that God is sovereign. That He doesn’t expect me to carry a heavy load by myself and solicit affirmation through my verbal vomit to cope. He wants to get the glory in all things. I’ve been reminded to acknowledge Him and rely on His strength, so that the world can see that it’s only through Him that anything good gets done.

And here’s how I know this is truth.

I can’t explain the peace I’ve felt this week. How I’ve seen God doing something positive out of this pain and mess. There’s still 100 things going on, some of it’s getting done and some of it’s not. But, I’m good with it.

That’s real peace.

“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28 (The Message)

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us.

Romans 12:4-6 (NIV)

The friend who made a t-shirt scarf for me for Christmas.

The same friend who helped me brainstorm ways to raise funds to get to Africa.

The friend who sold bracelets to raise money for her adoption, with experience to share.

The Life Group girls who came over to spend an evening helping me cut. stretch. tie. repeat.

The friend with mad design skills who helped me design a logo and tag.

The aunt and cousin who placed the first orders.

The friends/family who shared, linked and retweeted.

The friends mom’s friend who put the scarves in her store.

The husband who cheered, cared for children and did my chores.

This is the body of Christ. Each member, “belongs to the other.” By God’s grace, he gives us gifts. We love each other and choose to use them sacrificially, in service. And something beautiful happens. Hearts grow. Dreams are realized. God is exalted.

It’s humbling to sit back and watch it all.

82 scarves and counting.

I’m so excited to introduce my labor of love and an opportunity for you to help Andy and I serve the people of South Africa. These scarves are a fun and funky accessory, handmade by myself and some of my dearest friends.

“To Africa, in love” is our story. Andy and I are thrilled to mark our 10 year anniversary with a trip to South Africa. We go on this trip “in love” – in love with each other and in the love of Jesus.

Every dime from the purchase of a scarf will go toward the $6000 combined cost of our trip.

These scarves are perfect for your wardrobe in any weather. Made from up-cycled t-shirts, they provide a moderate amount of warmth and a maximum amount of cuteness. Perfect for any season.

Each scarf is $15. I’m happy to ship them to you, for an additional $2.50. To order online, simply click the button to the right to pay by credit card.

I have a huge assortment of colors available. Just let me know your preference, and be specific. I have every color you can think, along with some fun patterns. Please also keep in mind that I may not have what you’ve specified, but I’ll do my best to meet everyone’s preference.

And if you ever see me in person, you can bet I’ll have a big bag of scarves in my purse for you to shop on the spot!

This summer, my husband and I will celebrate a decade of marriage. Ten years with a man I adore.

Forever we’ve said that we would like to take a nice trip on our 10 year anniversary.

About 6 months ago I started to think about the possibilities and what kind of trip we could take. And while a Mediterranean cruise had long been at the top of my list, something different came to mind.

A missions trip.

I’ve not been on one since high school and Andy has never been on one. It’s something we’ve both wanted to do. And going together would be even better.

So a long story short, we’re going to South Africa with some high school students from our church to minister to to HIV/AIDS orphans through the ministry of Horizon International. We leave at the end of March for 10 days.

I’m excited!

What better way to mark 10 years of marriage and to begin a new decade together? I can’t wait to see all that we will experience and what God will use us to do. I expect our lives will never be the same.

SUPER-EXCITING SIDE NOTE: There is a simple (and fashionable) way that you can help me get to South Africa. Watch for details VERY soon!

I remember thinking, I’ll do anything. I’ll say anything. Just please don’t break up with me. It was the summer before my senior year of high school. I was getting dumped. I remember sitting there outside his parents house, listening to his words and wishing it was just a bad dream.

In my short little life, I had never felt so desperate.

But,we do that don’t we? We’re all looking for security. Even the most confident person wrestles with insecurity from time to time. How do I know this?

Because God made us this way.

I started thinking about this when I read Psalm 30:6-7:

When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
O Lord, when you favored me,
you made my mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.

Here’s how The Message translates it:

When things were going great
I crowed, “I’ve got it made.
I’m God’s favorite.
He made me king of the mountain.”
Then you looked the other way
and I fell to pieces.

Fell to pieces. Ever done that?

I think about my kids. Playing, running, laughing without a care in the world. But, every once in a while, they look back and their eyes are saying; Are you there, Mom? Am I OK? Do you still think I’m awesome?

And when I was a kid, I remember the feeling of looking back and not seeing my mom. Panic. From playful to petrified in one tiny second.

It’s a beautiful relational design that God created, isn’t it? We were made to desperately need a Savior.

Lately, I find that I cannot attend church and engage in worship without getting choked up. The lyrics from a lot of the songs we sing resonate so deep, because as a mom of young kids, I need some help.

Big time help.

In fact, I’m desperate for help.

And so we sing the line, “I lift my eyes up, my help come from the Lord.” And I picture myself literally drowning in the chaos of my life, looking up to heaven and screaming “HELP!”

And I see what He’s doing. When we live BIG, we need him to be BIG in our lives. And only He knows what needs to be done to get us to that place of desperation. Where you know that without HIM, you will literally not make it sanely through the day.

For me that place right now is four kids in four years, four months time.

Not a day goes by that I’m not crying out for supernatural patience, supernatural love, supernatural wisdom. And the days that do are crazy and regrettable.

He’s got me in a place that’s hard, but boy does it have me tethered. When I say I need Him, it’s not just a nice thing to say. Or the right thing to say. Or a good thing to say.

It is coming from my gut. Like I might just throw up if He doesn’t show up today.

Feels pretty desperate. But it feels pretty good, too. Because, again, it’s how He made us.

And it makes me want to live my whole life this way. Walking by Faith. Saying yes to the biggest and scariest things so that without Him, I would literally fall to pieces.